PAIGE 83 - THE SUN EXISTS

For the first time in days I sung a hymn. I can't even remember what it was, but it was hymn-like. Now they say I know religions's alright if it makes you happy etc etc, but singing sure didn't make me happy. In fact, it made me unhappy that it did not make me happy, and so I was even more unhappy then when I started. So I was looking at the clock when I thought back to that horrible Monday, horrible for no reason, some reason, every reason, and I said to myself well it hardly matters if there's storm clouds about the sun. I mean, once when I was five, I did the famous cupboard-stacking/under-bed-stuffing I-cleaned-my-room thing. I said to Mom all the trash is gone. She said is it? I said it's not anywhere you can see, so it must be gone! Then she opened the cupboard, and all my arguments held together like my slurpee-injected steak pie. Today was kind of like that. In the storm, you can't even really see any direction, though you're still on that narrow path. To be Frank (or Bob, I don't mind, pick a name) I think maybe sometimes I forget the sun exists because it's always shining. But whatever hymn I sung (I still can't remember it), it reminded me of this one thing: the sun exists. Now as to physical suns, you can judge how much I like summer by the Pantone color of my skin, which I've managed to get pretty close to Short Nap.

Actually some people came over from church today, mostly the pastor and his wife and a few others I know. I wasn't in great form really, I don't remember what I said to them, I think it was mostly blubbering. But they were just there. I mean they're always THERE in the physical sense like I'm HERE, but there wasn't a whole lot of talk, I was just grateful for some company. I think I went on a short walk with them in the garden, actually I can't remember. Does The Complex have a garden? It does, doesn't it? The gardener comes and mows the lawn and cuts the shrubs with oversized scissors. Surely that makes it count as a garden. It's pretty small, though.

They also brought me some food. Now there are more cuisines than celery.

Livi.