PAIGE 80 - TROGLODYTES R US

Did you know if you pull the blankets over your head, all problems go away? It's true, I didn't even know I had an electricity bill until L told me. One of my neighbors had a box of chocolates by the front door with a condolences card. I don't know them much, but it filled my heart. And my stomach. I'm going to have to hunt for jobs soon. That thought made me feel so terrible. I don't want to go job hunting again. I said to myself maybe I should return to the city. Then I remembered Mary, and realized I hadn't talked to her for almost three days. So I got out of bed and kind of bleary-eyed fell down the steps, and said oh hi Mary how do you do? She said Livi I'm sorry, are you alright? So I opened the door, sat in the front seat, and we talked for a bit. I said Mary I'm sorry I've been ignoring you, actually I've forgotten to talk to anyone over the last couple of days, everything is in a spiral, like those disaster films where boats get towed into a hurricane or a whirlpool. She said she hadn't seen them, but could we watch them together sometime. And I said oh sure whatever. Maybe that'll help me feel better. But I couldn't be honestly bothered to go and rent a movie, even to go outside and read my mailbox. I stayed in the garage for some time until my stomach started rumbling, and then I got some sodas and ovenated some food, and went back down and had some dinner and talked with Mary. I'm not sure if it was lunch or breakfast or dinner. I don't think it matters either. I said Mary life is weird. She said not everything is, is it? I said you're right. I love God, my church, my family, and my friends. She said see not everything's weird. I said true, my friends aren't weird. And then I realized who I was talking to.

I had some more snacks, but they took on a bit of a bittersweet taste if you know what I mean, not just because they were matcha, because they were from the convenience store, and it didn't feel right almost eating them. But I said to myself Livi you're being silly, they're meant to be eaten, and you know we eat our bread (or chips) with thanks. So I said grace, and that was pretty much the rest of the food I had left in my cupboard or fridge, and I said to Mary at least you don't need food to survive. She said gasoline was a type of food. I said well I guess that's true, although in a human sense it's not a food. She said do you know what's tasty? I said no. She said 98 unleaded gasoline. I said Mary I'm only a convenience store worker. Or was. Ah, what am I doing now anyway? Looking for work soon, I guess. I hate looking for work. Looking for work is the worst work I've done. I thought I had finally found a permanent job, but it turns out nothing is permanent here. No, that's not quite true. People are permanent, only we're all slowly moving to a different location. A better location.

- Livi