PAIGE 79 - GO AWAY, DARK NIGHT

I couldn't frankly care if anything existed beyond my bed at that point in the morning, I had decided to forget everything and sleep. But I couldn't sleep, because of course I kept thinking of Des and how he was happy now, and yet how I wasn't happy, and nobody else who knew Des was happy, and then why weren't we happy? And I fell asleep I think at like one and decided I was going to be a permanent troglodyte and live under a rock for the rest of my life, when L came. She didn't come at midnight or anything, but it was early morning when there was a ring at the door. I frankly didn't answer it. Then L's voice came and I felt a bit guilty, and got up, opened the door, and realized I was still in my pyjamas. "Livi, are you alright?" she said, and then I burst into tears. I told her all about Des, and how he had gone home, and how it all made no sense and why did I even meet him if it was just going to end like this. And nothing made sense for a good ten minutes until L gently said, "maybe he had come into your life so you could remind him about hope." And then I stopped crying a moment, and some kind of light came on, then I started crying again, and L came inside, and I spent all of that morning just lying exhausted on the sofa. I said what are you doing here so early, don't you have work? She said it's Sunday, don't worry. I said oh no you'll miss the sermon. She said it's ok, and I looked at the clock and it was already noon.

L went away for half an hour or so, and I think I slept under a blanket or something. Turns out it was bubble wrap from the marimba, because L came back and said do you want a blanket, and I said what huh? Then I rolled over, and the blanket popped. She said have some lunch. I looked, and wow it was actual cooked food. It was toast but I don't think made in the toaster because it had like egg on it or something delicious, and also butter. I mean I would have tried making something like that in the toaster, but L has all these different ideas. As it turns out, different ideas are amazing. I said L what's this. She said French toast. I said that doesn't mean toast made of the French, does it? She laughed and said no, that would be strange. I said it's like staff toilets, I've never got those.

But it was like night even though it was the middle of the day, and L changed my bubble wrap for some actual blankets from my bed, and I slept an hour or two and woke up, and it was still light, though not very. I said L you might be able to catch some people from church. She said it's Monday.

- Livi