I was getting changed this morning into my work uniform, and having breakfast as the front door rang. I said surely not Mark the parcel man at this hour of morning. He's more a late person guy, and anyway the spacetime rift has all been solved now. So I opened the door and the man said Miss Paige. I said speaking. He was an elderly man, guess probably around the same age as Des, and a lady was with him, I assume his wife. He said "Miss Paige" again and then broke into tears. I stood there kind of dumb, because I am, and thought oh no why is he crying and the lady too, what do I do what do I say. So I said "hi, are you okay?" but he couldn't answer me for about a minute or so. At that point I thought to myself what do I do, guess get them a chair, tell them to come in. So I said "please, come in." And they sat down at the kitchen table area, now it was pretty messy with my breakfast slash last night's dinner not yet cleaned up, the breakfast part not even finished, and we sat there a while before he said "Miss Paige, I'm Anthony Shears. I'm Des' brother." I said "Des is a great guy." He cried more here too, then he said "Miss Paige, Des... Des has passed away- in his sleep last night. I found a missed call from you on his phone, and the police told me yesterday you were the first to ring him. I..."
I sat there feeling absolutely bewildered. Des... dead? But what, what for, and... "We're going through his will at the moment, and I... I just wanted to let you know that although the store is being liquidated, Des had stipulated a six months stipend to get you into a new job before he quit. We've notified everyone, your finances should begin coming in tomorrow." "Des... he's gone?" "Yes. It was peaceful though, he went in his sleep. Oh, I'm going to miss him, I'm going to miss Des! He was speaking to me about how much he valued his new employee, I just want to thank you for helping my brother with the store in his last months."
I stared at him, then at the floor. I didn't know what to say. They say it doesn't hit you for a while, and then it hits you. It hit me that I was thinking that it wasn't hitting me, and I said to myself Livi what's wrong with you, this is Des. "He's going to have a funeral next week. I don't understand why, but he changed his will in the last few days in order to request a Christian burial. The minister from the local church will be there. You are invited too." That was really all we spoke, most of it was just this terrible awkward and heavy silence, mostly awkward from me. Des has gone. Des has gone? He has gone home. At least I know that. But it doesn't feel like it makes sense. How can Des be gone? I feel like we had barely got to know each other, I had barely started working there until... it doesn't feel like it makes any sense, but I know it does.
I'm sorry for such a rambling post. I'm still trying to make sense of anything at the moment.