Today, after a very short day of work, I went to spectate the cheese-hurling event which Des was taking part in. When I went down, there seemed to be a mix of sporting Russians and spectating Russians. The spectating variety seemed to be into some pretty keen conversation, so I walked over kind of near them, and heard them talking about the cheese. As it turned out, they were the various shopkeepers and artisans of cheese whose various produce were being hurled. Apparently Edam is the favorite stage every year, but ricotta doesn't have so good a track record. I watched the ricotta stage and saw what they meant. The records of this stage are spread out pretty widely.
Now, Des explained the thing to me. Cheese hurling is a very skilled and delicate sport in which distance is not the only thing the disqualificators look out for. They also judge on the intactness (is that a word?) of the cheese. I said ah now I understand why the ricotta stage is so maligned. He said yes, and that is why they just hand out medals to everyone. But not so on his favorite stage, the soft stilton. Now Des is known for his gentle but firm underhand throw, and it's apparently this that wins him the stilton medal each year - either him or The Wold guy. The Wold guy can throw farther because he's young, but Des' stilton always stays in better shape. I said wow this sounds intense. He said the stilton is nothing, you should see the whole-wheel-of-parmesan stage. The best record is half a foot.
I had a look at the parmesan wheels before the events started, and I think I know why he said the best outcome was half a foot. Because if I dropped that thing (if I could even pick it up in the first place), I'd be happy to get away with even half of my foot intact. On the upside, Sparrow Falls will have well-seasoned pasta for the next few millenia.
So the event eventually eventuated, and the cheese-hurlers hurled their cheese with some reserve upon the reserve. Des hurled his stilton, we waited for the announcement - and Des won! I said congratulations Des you are officially the world's best hurler of stilton. How will you celebrate? He said I feel like stilton and crackers. I said I'll fetch some crackers, you fetch your stilton.