PAIGE 57 - COEXIST

Today is the second Saturday of the month, all four of which I am refereeing, although I mind this a lot less now. Today it was dodgeball on the agenda. The organizers had said to me that this was a more difficult sport to adjudicate because of the number of players. I however was feeling ready, my disquali-rays warmed up and ready to go. So I walked over to the field, it was some kind of rectangle marked out by white lines. They called it an oval. That's because atheletes are geometrically-challenged, I guess. It had two nets, a line down the center, and semicircles on each end of the rectangle. Now both the teams were off the rectoval at this time, warming up with stretches. Then we heard a commotion behind us, and it was a crowd of even more athletes with uniforms on that were marching towards us, the front one was holding a ball and singing, and the rest were following along. He sang, "we have soccer in our blood!" and I thought to myself hm that sounds pretty serious they should get a dialysis or something. But they kept coming, and eventually stopped on the rectoval where we were about to have a session of dodging balls.

Now some of the dodgeballians started telling the soccerites that they were on the wrong rectoval. The soccerites however told the dodgeballians that they had in fact booked the rectoval, and that we were the ones in error. The whole thing started getting so heated (I measured it with my disquali-vision at 87 degrees centigrade) that I decided to step in. I said hi there soccer-loving Russians, the organizers have told us we are to use this rectoval. Is there maybe a confusion? They said no, eventually we got one of the organizers over and asked them if the soccerites were booked here. They looked through their bulletin then said yes. Then the dodgeballians asked the same question, and they looked through and also said uh well yes.

Somehow, there had been a double-booking. However because I am very up-to-date on modern philosophy (I thank my fedora-wearing Scotch professor), I was able to calmly resolve the whole matter. I said ok soccerites and dodgeballians, I have a solution. There's been a mistake, but it's really neither team's fault, so let's just chill. We can argue over things like uniforms and rectovals, but at the end of the day, we're both doing basically the same thing, we can work together on this! You see, one team dresses up in cleated shoes and whacks balls around on a pitch, the other dresses up in cleated shoes and whacks balls around on a pitch. If we can temporarily put our little squabbles aside, hey we can work together on this important thing of chucking balls! Surely we can be open-minded enough to be friendly over this?

Eventually they said oh all right yes I see your point, and shook hands. Then the dodgeballians and soccerites both took their places, and the double-match started with a cheer.

It all went really well. Oh, also caught up with Mr. Eriksson after the game today. Told me he's selling his health insurance stocks.

- Livi