Well, today is Tuesday. For those of you who don't know, it is the day after Monday, but before Wednesday. I went down to the reserve on this day-of-Tues to do a little sightseeing of the crazy sporting Russians. I thought to myself, maybe it will be entertaining watching the long distance jump event I'm told is on today.
So I drove Mary down, parked in the park, and wandered over to spectate. As you know, spectator is my favorite position in any sport. There was this sand pit dug, and a white line marked out maybe twenty metres before the pit, and also a white line just at the front of the pit. Now, I'm sure all of you are wondering how this event is played. Allow me then to show off my sporting knowledge. In long jump, what you do is start at the white line farthest from the pit, and you run all the way up to the front of the pit where the white line is, but not any farther, otherwise you are disqualificated. What you do is jump before the disqualificators fire their disquali-rays at you, and where the furtherest-back-part of any part of you touches the sand, that's your score. Then the rollie-pollies come out, and measure how many metres (or feet) you jumped.
The mistake part of all this is that I got into talking with one of the non-spectators. You see, I have a suspicion sporting people and I are from different dimensions. My original thought in all this is that somehow these other-world beings got lost in the spacetime rift, but since practically everybody in the Falls has a penchant for sport, I think it's possible I may actually be the one from a different world. Like Superman. Again, this explains my time powers. Mom, Dad, thank you for raising me like a normal person, you know nobody ever suspected I was weird, not even me.
Anyhow, this Russian said 'da, long-jumping is good.' Only I imagined the first word. And I said "Yes, I see everyone likes it." He said "what is your record, Miss Paige?" I said zero feet. He said oh well the disqualificators can get a bit overzealous sometimes. I said well um sure that's not quite it though. And so we got to talking, and he somehow encouraged me to try again. Practice makes perfect, you know. I said "you're very kind, but there's a reason I don't play sport." "Da, da, we are all too hard on ourselves, now. You try again, Miss Paige!" And so I tried for the second time my first long-jumping attempt.
I lined up at the starting line. I said to myself ok now I'm going to go so fast I cause a time-paradox, and transport myself back into the universe I was born, where spectating is a sport. I put one foot ahead of my body, and one foot back, you know like the sprinters do. I crouched, and the whistle blew.
The next thing I knew I was staring at a patch of grass. It was very interesting grass, with some dandelions in it, some of them with yellow buds about to bloom. In the middle of my vision there was a red bug with black spots - I think it's called a ladybug, although I hear there are male versions too - and bottom-left, a streak of white paint runs across, cutting the grass in a clean line. Top right, several ants barter over the remains of a ham sandwich while a larger ant scurries around, apparently oblivious to them.
I was enjoying this scene when suddenly a voice cried out, "Livi, are you right?" So I propped my head on my arm, rolled onto my left, and said "no."