This sofa is the best thing since sliced bread. Or since my last sofa, at least. I was going to wait for five to five in case of week two of quantum fugue, but the RING A DING A DING DONG went off at four thirty-eight. I said to myself, now this is weird, either Mark II is taking his shift, or this is the garbage man. But it was neither of those two things, it was the removal man.
He said, Olivia Paige? I said yeeeeeees? He said furniture removal, two-seater? I said um... sure. Come in. Did someone like me book you, by any chance? He said no. I said oh good, that's a relief. He came in, then another guy came in behind him, and they lugged the used sofa off to sofa heaven, or wherever old sofas go. I stood at the door as they were about to leave, and said um by the way do you know who booked you? They said uh we're not allowed to say who she is. I said oh ok, fair enough, well thanks very much.
They said she. That narrows it down by 50 percent. Although I remember my Scotch professor saying that the percentage of females is slightly higher for whatever reason, so maybe more like 65 percent. I nutted it out for a while, then called Sage. She does this kind of thing better than me. She wandered out, asked why I called her so early in the day (it was now five) and then proceeded to look at the new sofa. She said well there's only two gals who have been to your place and know how old that sofa was, so it's one of the two. Then she went back. Aha! I said, and proceeded to phone Susanmobile. I said hi Susanmobile, thanks for the delivery! She said what. I said ok, never mind. How's swimming anyhow? She said all going well. Then we talked for a bit longer, she said she had caught up with Sauntie again, and both of them were getting on like a house on fire. I still never get that saying, are flaming houses friendly? Then I called up the L.
Soooo, hi L, how's it going? Anything much planned? You know, any special deliveries? Random removal guys to call? She laughed, then said well Livi, I didn't know how long it was going to take you. I said what? I thought this was like lightning quick brainpower. Anyhow, L, I don't even know what to say. Why did you give me all this? It's amazing, and totally not like the random stuff Mary bought me. Don't tell her I said that though, she was very sweet in thinking of me. L said well my dear Livi, we know that you were struggling to get back into the swing of living by yourself this year, and also you've gone through quite a bit lately, so we wanted to buy some things to sweeten up your flat. I said you should have bought honey, in that case, Mary beat you to it. We both laughed, and I said L, you're such a wonderfrub friend, I don't know what I'd do without you. And also D-man. And Susan. Yeah, I'm glad we're all good friends. L didn't say much else, so I asked her about work, and she said yeah, I can hold on for a while until something else comes up. I said yep, and until those wedding bells ring, too. Just make sure they don't ring to the tune of hidden dragon's cellphone, that's a weird riff with the sax and all.
L said she had to go, and I said I should too, to make tea. Or rather, take some lasagne from out behind my shoe phone and zap it in my oven of the future. Then maybe I'll go downstairs and watch the sunset with Mary. Yeah, it's all pretty ordinary stuff for me, but sometimes routine tastes so sweet. Especially when you mistake salt for sugar to season your dinner with.