Sage came back with the news. The clones were attacking. I looked at the clock, it was still 2, though the sun was setting. I said to Paige, you can't go to the theatre, they'll know about your ticket for sure. But she was insistent, said she had to go. I said she shouldn't, and we argued. Then I said, what do you think, this is a game? Then they all looked at me.

So Helga returns. I picked up my hammer, horned helmet and shield, and went downstairs. Mary said to me, Livi why are you dressed like that? I said I am not Miss Paige, but I shall pardon your ignorance since I am Helga the Magnificent. So we drove off to the theatre, and when we arrived many people crowded around me. I said dear people, I am glad to know that Viking blood still exists in this town of Sparrow Falls! But now please give me room, as I wish to slip in undetected. So I slipped in undetected among my fellow vikings, and was pulled aside by a man who seemed relieved that I was here. I said yes, dear subject, fear no longer, for it is I, Helga the Magnificent! He said good, then handed me a page with writing on it, and led me behind the stage, where others were dressed also in battle gear, but not Viking, to my dismay. I said to Sir Lancelot, tell me, have you encountered any strange blond women lately dressed in a peculiar way? He looked at me, then said yes. I said where? He said well um right here in the theatre.

I knew it. So I kept my eyes open, and suddenly the curtain parted, which was extraordinarily helpful in allowing me to scan over the audience. But as of yet, no malicious interdimensional Paiges from another galactic system. But not to fear, Helga is here to game the system.

Sir Lancelot began to sing, and all at once a terrible green dragon came out of stage right. I said to myself, now Helga, this is what you've trained for. And I raised my hammer, and said Sir Lancelot, there are times to woo, and times to realize your lady is about to be eaten by a dragon. But fear not, for behold - and I smashed my hammer down on the ground. Suddenly a voice began calling for me to come towards him, and so I turned and saw the same man who gave me the paper urgently waving at me, so I walked over off stage to meet him. He said that was very disappointing. I said I know, it turns out Sir Lancelot is a bit of a dunderhead, right?

Now I went downstairs and joined the audience. As far as I could see, there were no evil Paiges. That only means one thing: they must be waiting for her at home. Time to get into my longboat and row fast.

- Helga.