You're wondering about the chair. Well, it is not there, I swear. The bin man has it, I declare.
The version with shortening is that I was trying to reach microwave #30 from up on the stack, and when I stood on the chair, well, I tumbled down midair, and found it was in total disrepair. There, there Livi, do not despair. As you are now aware, I am without a chair, despite all my due care in trying to reach my oven up there. It was quite a scare. Thank goodness I have health care.
As I do not have a spare, I decided to make something up with a bit of flair, but the whole thing turned a bit pear-shaped, and it wasn't exactly square. Where is D-man when you need him, I swear! So I got a pair of old spare cupboard doors, and thought hmm where am I going to make this? It was a nightmare. I tried to repair the seat, but I got nowhere, so at the end, in great despair, I stacked a couple dead microwaves, and, although it didn't quite compare, I didn't care.
And that's the whole affair.