Ok, so the penguins are back. I was getting pretty annoyed at some things today, and last week, and then you have that moment after you get annoyed where you realize oh what did I get annoyed about again? That was such a silly thing. And you ask yourself, wow am I making any progress? God help me. Is he helping me? Am I not helping him? Am I not helping him helping me? Spinning spinning spinning spinning. It all feels like one step forwards two steps back.
I said this to pastor today, and he said well Livi do you hear what you say? I said um I think so. My ears are pretty good as far as I know. He said well Livi when a person is walking through a forest by themselves, they might get lost, but if they have a guide, they won't get lost if they're listening to the guide. And then I realized what he was saying. You see, that all made pretty good sense to me because well I have no LGPS (D-man, there's your next project) and get lost all the time. But if you're following a guide, then even if you feel like you're winding round and round and making no progress, you know you are, because you're following the guide.
I stood outside The Complex when it was dark, just watched the lights go out on the town after sunset, and there was this one patch of light that came through over the hills and to where I was standing, but everything else seemed black. And I said to myself, right the lamp to my feet, and the light to my path, even if the path I can see is only a metre ahead. Then I went back inside, because well mosquitoes.
Maybe when we're most discouraged because we can't see any progression, maybe that's when God's working in us the most. Because it's then we know that we are weak.