PAIGE 27 - MULTIVERSE THEORY

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na TIME GIRL! TIME GIRL! (car tyres squeal, on camera left thug appears. Caped woman emerges from apartment, says to random bystander (who had the sudden urge to invite her over for dinner) fear not! I will save you! Said girl uses mind powers to dilate time and the fabric of space, sending thug-man to alternate universe in which everything he touches becomes a marimba. Exit Time Girl to cook dinner in oven of the future. Cue audience applause.)

I was walking down the street today when I saw out of the corner of my eye a woman in an orange shirt with yellow hair enter some sort of building. I turned to see exactly who she was, but by then she had well disappeared to wherever she went. I wasn't even sure what building it was. Then it struck me: I have yellow hair. I have an orange shirt (orange is the best). Of course my well-intentioned (well, actually non-intentioned, because I still don't know how I'm using this space-time stuff) abilities have caused more severe and lasting damage than I had ever expected. There is another of me roaming about. Evidently from the future, as she seemed a bit older, I thought. Then the thought occurred to me: WHAT IF THERE IS MORE THAN ONE?

You see, my fedora-wearing, plaid-shirted Scotch professor explained all this stuff to us. He said, if the universe is a haggis, then there may be several haggis (or is it haggi?) existing at any given point, or in fact infinite haggises. They may intersect and overlap, all unperceived. That's why when I saw the orange-shirted lady, I thought of haggis. And now when you see an orange-shirted lady, you too will think of haggis.

The fact is that my marimba was an alternate-dimension marimba, as was my fan, and the honey. It all made sense. But what if the alternate dimensions were different than mine? The thought made my mind spin (with centrifugal force, because centripedal force is when you un-spin). And what if the other Livis were evil? They might not even like microwaves, or the color orange. The idea made me shiver, though it was the middle of summer, and my (ceiling) fans were off. And how do you un-spin the fabric of time? I decided to inquire about thread-spinning at the local tailor's. She said you required a thread-picker. So I bought one.

Any clones coming after me must first deal with the thread-picker of Mrs. Hickenbotam, tailor extraordinaire.

- Time Girl