It was five to five, and then RING A DING A DING DONG. I said Mark my word, the parcel man's here. I opened the door, and lo and behold there were two parcel men, and a large box I could only assume was a marimba. I said hi Mark I and Mark II, how do you do? They said they were fine. They also said they were to deliver an ottoman. I said wait there must be a mistake, my daughter would never order something as practical as this. I sighed and said well anyway bring it in, tell you what I'll even do you a trade. You give me this ottoman thing, I give you a present from Christmas in July you weren't able to make. Mark I said ok, and they went into my microwave room, put it down, and I gave them a signature. I said is it that heavy that it took two of you? Mark II said it's solid wood. I said oh. Well anyways, here's your Samtsirhc gift. Samtsirhc Yrrem! (it was wasabi)
They left off (it seems rather quickly) and I stood there with my ottoman ready to be unboxed. I said well guess I better see this ottoman Mary has bought me. So I unboxed it. I was in fact an artisan solid wood ottoman. And by ottoman I mean a Turkish king. Literally she had bought me a statue of a sultan. I stood there for a full minute with the bearded guy in front of me, then I just decided to laugh, and lug it off to stand guard next to my entrance table.
Mom, you wonder why I have very few friends over.
The answer is Mary.