When I drove up to Sparrow Auto, or actually Mary, we found the garage empty except for Dylan, and a whole bunch of potatoes lying around. So I got out, and looked in the garage, but nobody was there. I said Mary we were going to catch up with the D, where is he? And she started looking around, and went around the back of Sparrow Auto, and honked. I walked out of the garage, and found him there in the middle of a pile of potatoes, some roasted with salt, looking up at Mary. "They've taken her!" he cried, "I don't know what to do." "Who?" said Mary. "My beloved, my dear Princess Elle! Oh, what shall I do without her?" I said, "pull yourself together, D-man. Who's taken the twelfth?" "The Russians!" he cried, "the potato-eating Russians!" I said wow well they sure have a pretty messy way of having dinner. Any idea where they got to? He said the tower in the middle of town! I said we have a tower? He said it was built overnight, clearly to hold and imprison dear L. I looked behind me, and as the sky was setting into a kind of orange, the terrible outline of a tower, probably seven stories high, black against the sky with a light up the top of it. Dylan said "how will I ever get her back?" I said "fear not poor knight! Are you not her lover and rescuer? Go and get her with your rugged charm and um, spanners. Lots of spanners." He said but the Russians have knives and forks, how will I defend myself? I said hmm drive Mary. Mary you'll help won't you? She said oh yeah sure that sounds good. So Dylan got his heaviest and most dangerous spanners out, and we drove full-speed to the clock-tower. Dylan hit the thrusterpack button, and rockets came out of Mary's trunk, and suddenly we got to 300mph. I said where did you get those from? He said I know people.
When we got there, L was up way way up on the seventh floor crying down at D, "help me oh my dear knight... mechanic." And Dylan puffed out his chest and suddenly hordes of angry Russians started firing potatoes at him. Mary bounced a few back with her spring-loaded doors, and Dylan took the brunt of it all. He swung back with his spanners, and I said well time to come out of retirement, and Time Girl swung onto scene, opened several spacetime rifts, discombobulating various Russians and spaghettifying them into dimensions where everything they touched turned into marimbas. But suddenly a huge two-storey tall Russian appears with a red beard and holding fish with cranberry sauce, and begins lobbing potatoes covered in oil at us. The ground becomes so slippery that Mary rolls away into a sidestreet along with D and I. I knock my head on a trash can, which spills all over D. I say sorry D. He says it's all right. But meanwhile the big scary Russian boss reappears. I say Helga, fight the boss! But I'm trapped under rubbish. I look to my left, and there is a steak on Dylan's head. I say D, the steaks have never been higher! He says oh right, and throws the steak as high as he can, and it lands on the boss' head. Suddenly from the south comes a mighty roar, and Mr. Picnic appears and gobbles up the giant Russian. D-man frees himself, and then me and Mary, and says now to free my dear beloved Elle! So we all get up and go up the stairs, they're very narrow stairs, and eventually reach the top. The door opens, and L standing there throws herself in the arms of her mechanic slash knight, then turns to MOP and says thank you both. I turn my head and say M how did you get up here? Then we all retire to dessert at Mr. Marcon's, and he serves us gelato. The newspapers come and interview us about our heroic deeds.
So that's what happened today. I mean, while I was asleep.