I will not talk about microwaves. I will not talk about microwaves. I will not talk about microwaves.

"So, tell me about your personal interests." "I... like to cook." "Oh? Are you a creative type in the kitchen, or more a methodical, follow-the-recipe type?" "Creative, I guess. Anything that makes lights gets me going." "Lights?" "Um, kitchen lights. Like the overhead lights. I mean they produce a very steady illumination over the counter top." "And do you have any other hobbies outside of home?" "Well, I like driving... sort of." "Sort of?" "I mean I like being driven around." Wait no Livi that sounds lazy. "I mean I used to like driving." Wait no Livi what are you even saying? "I mean I'm not partial or impartial to driving, just sometimes my friend uh daughter uh... drives me, sometimes I drive her." "Oh, you have a daughter? I must have missed that on your form." "I mean a niece! Kind of like a daughter. A friend. Yeah." Livi you've totally dug yourself a hole. Change the subject.

"So, does your workflow here focus pretty big on the spreadsheets, I remember you said?" "Yes, that's right. You're fluent with using the computer?" Oh no, they expect me to know about the fairies. "I use it. You know, reading and surfing the webs. Printing. Emailing. When I was at the store, I was in charge of scanning things in. I'm a quick learner." "So you don't have any prior experience in spreadsheets?" "No, but I could learn." "Right, unfortunately we were ideally looking for someone with prior experience."

Wham! Knockdown to Helga.

"Would you consider yourself computer literate?" What does that mean? Words on the screen are the same as words elsewhere. "Yes, of course." Oh great, well we might give you a trial if you're able to make it on Monday." "I would be pleased to."

Match point! Crowd of one roars!

- Helga.